Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
