i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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