there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
