you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
