Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
