took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
