I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
