Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize