never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize