I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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