from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
3pm strippers are depressing
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
