if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
