So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
