she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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