Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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