One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
