the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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