I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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