Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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