i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
