I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
