you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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