His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
