K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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