she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
