Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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