I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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