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I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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