Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
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You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
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Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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