My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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