Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
