My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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