this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You took a bar mat shot.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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