Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
