she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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