Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
