no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
