So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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