I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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