I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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