i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
