I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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