'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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