Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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