Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
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He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
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I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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