How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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