sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
