Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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