Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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