she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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