Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
