When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
