I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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