Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
