Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
