i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
