just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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