I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
