Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
