kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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