So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
