Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
