The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
