I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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