Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize