Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
