i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
