We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
