I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
