I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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